Love...

My husband has seizures. We’ve been together for 11 years this year(married 7) and up until a year ago the seizures were just a conversation. I was told he had them by himself and his family, but it was just a memory because prior to 2009 he had just one in 1997. I thought to myself my little sister has had seizures all her life so, if he had one, I know exactly what to do. Her seizures are just sort of a staring off into space seizure. November 2009, he had a seizure and then again February and March 2010 and sometime again last summer. The seizures are pretty violent, its hard to cope while he’s having one. It’s a violent shaking, loud noises and I have to somehow control his body so he won’t hit his head, or hurt himself. My husband is a big guy, so its tough while he’s having one. The worst part of it all is…he remembers nothing. I have to call EMS after it happens. His BP sky rockets to a ridiculous number, he twitches and he has to go on oxygen to wake up. When he comes to, EMS ask him simple questions:

What’s your name? How old are you? What street do you live on? What year is it?
He will answer those questions like a child, he remembers his mom’s address, his age is 10-12 and the year is always off. Although, since this has been happening more likely than not, I have gotten used to it or so I thought… Yesterday morning, my husband had a seizure, EMS came, oxygen, blood pressure and he was answering all of the questions right until they asked him who I was and he said he didn’t know. He looked me right in the eyes and said that he didn’t know. That was really hard for me. After a moment or so, he looked at me and asked if I was alright, that made me feel a little better. But, it was the hard to see someone you love go through something like that in a blink of an eye and he not know who you are. I asked that they take him to the hospital for testing. To make a long story short, he is fine, he knows who I am, but to be in that space, as brief of a time as it was, was brutal. The worst part of it all…he remembers none of that. So, I had that experience all by myself.

He has been taking his meds, but the seizure was brought on by stress. My family, as is any right now is going through a lot. I try my best not to speak negative, this time is only making us stronger. The best part of it all is being able to go through with people who absolutely LOVE you. God knew! He knew! To give me the two most fascinating, hilarious, loving children who complement each other so well, while going through this rough patch. I tell you the truth. My children have been my comedians, my therapist, my teachers in this tough time. If you have children, you totally understand… and if you don’t let me try to explain just a little. I was crying a couple nights ago after praying and thanking God for the change that was coming to my life. My son came into the room and got in the bed with me, wiped my tears and hugged me so tight. He left, came back with his sister, she said Mom, everything will be alright, we love you and Jesus does too! That’s love. When you have this unconditional love and this bond that only you can share with your babies, it’s a wonderful thing. I couldn’t have planned this life that I have, and wouldn’t change it for the world.